This question and answer came from a mother who has a child who is terrified to pee in the potty.The child understands fully the 'how and why' of using the toilet, but simply has a significant fear of actually putting her pee in the potty! Read Below:
Question: My daughter seems to have an overwhelming fear of releasing on the potty. We tried everything we could possibly think of including the potty in the bathtub and the diaper/towels on the floor. We ended up putting her back in diapers and have kept her in diapers for the past 2 months. Now we want to give it a try again. I have this week off so I decided this would be a good time. Last night I took all of the diapers out of the cupboard where we keep them and this morning I told my daughter that we were all out of diapers and that she got to wear panties today! She checked the cupboard and seemed OK with that and was excited about wearing panties - a positive start I thought! Well the rest of the day was not so positive. We did regular trips to the potty (using the timer) and she was happy to sit on the potty but she did not pee on the potty at all. She had an accident while eating lunch and then held her pee for the rest of the day until 8:PM when we were putting her to bed. For about 2 hours this evening (from 6-8) she was hysterical!! She had to pee so badly and was holding it...you could tell she was in pain! I tried everything I could think of but every time she felt the pee coming she would freak out and start screaming. She WILL NOT pee on the potty. I honestly don't know what to do. On the one hand I feel like if I give her diapers back I am sending her mixed signals. On the other hand, this was one of the worst days that we have ever had and it was emotionally and physically exhausting for everyone. I am feeling desperate for some advice.... Answer: It does sound like your daughter Emma has not overcome her fear of the toilet for some reason. Will she at least sit on the potty with her diaper on? If so, you might want to try to desensitize her. For a couple of days, let her wear a pull up but make her sit on the potty in her pull-up at least a few times per day. When she is comfortable with that, try unfastening the diaper prior to her sitting on the toilet. Do that for a few days. The next step would be to actually remove the diaper before she sits down. (But don't expect her to actually pee in the potty.) Perhaps when she realizes that the toilet is nothing to be afraid of you can add back in the whole concept of actually using the potty to pee in. Have you actually asked her why she is afraid of the potty? It might be a revealing question. Maybe she is just embarrassed, or needs some privacy. You might want to ask her if she wants to use the big toilet instead of the kids potty instead... finding out how she wants to use the potty on her terms might give you some direction. Let me know what you think about all of this, and fill me in on how it goes!

So, you've reached a milestone - your child is potty trained! Now you might be finding yourself with a dilemma - although your child is reliably using his child's potty, he is not yet using the 'big toilet.' How do you best make that transition? First of all, is your child afraid of the big potty? If not, you can just pick a day in a month or two where you tell him that he is "graduating" again - this time to a big potty! Start talking about the transition now - "Soon you won't be needing this little potty anymore. Little potties aren't for big boys like you! - Tell Mommy when you want to start using the big potty!" Make a big deal of getting rid of his little potty - you can have the "potty fairy" come take it to "the babies" and leave a present in its place........or you can let him bring it to a baby himself. This works well if you know a friend or family member with a little one. Another method is to switch to a 'little' potty that disassembles so that the "top" of the potty becomes a toilet seat insert. An example of one of these products is the Fisher-Price Potty shown below.

***Note***

"The Potty Boot Camp: Basic Training for Toddlers" now includes a chapter about how to get your toddler to poop on the potty. It's straightforward and step-by-step. Please contact me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it with any questions you might have.

A question that I am asked on a regular basis is "Why won't my child poop on the potty?" Know that you are not alone if currently facing this common toilet training problem. As frustrating as it might be, steps can certainly be taken to overcome this stumbling block to diaper freedom. 

More common in older potty training children (2.5 years and older), the "poop" issue can become a major power struggle between you and your toddler. The reasons for this apparent stubbornness can be caused by fear, medical problems, embarrassment, or standard toddler contrariness. Let's tackle each issue one by one: 

Medical Problems:

First, a disclaimer: If you believe your child's unwillingness to poop on the potty is truly a medical issue, please consult with your pediatrician. There is a condition called encopresis which is caused from chronic constipation. Children experiencing encopresis have a problem with the bowel that dulls the normal senses about the urge to go. A more benign medical condition is basic constipation, in which the child fails to have a bowel movement over a couple of days. Usually an increase in dietary fiber or a mild stool softener will help to relieve the situation. 

Fear:

Believe it or not, many children believe that poop is a part of their body. Imagine how reluctant you might be to use the toilet if you thought a body part might fall off each time! For other children, the fear comes from the actual sensation of air hitting their bottom, the "plop" that can be heard in the water below, or the sound of flushing. Other children have had a previous painful episode of constipation and they become afraid to experience it again. 

Embarrassment:

I think many of us can confess to occasionally "making a stink" about our child's poop. We joke or tease about the smell, or the size, or the consistency of the poop. Some children, especially the "sensitive" ones, can become self-conscious about this bodily function. If you think this might be the reason for your child's problem, try to discuss poop in a very matter-of-fact manner. Make it clear to your child that pooping is a very normal and natural part of life. It might be helpful to read books to your child such as "Everyone Poops" by Taro Gomi. 

Stubbornness:

For most parents reading this article, the "terrible twos (or threes, or fours)" might be the culprit in your potty problems. The key in convincing your child to use the toilet rather than their pants is to find a method to make the child finally decide that life is just easier and more sanitary if they use the toilet. Some parents are violently opposed to bribes or "punishment" but sometimes the basic concept of "you get as good as you give" is the magic answer. If your child cooperates, they get positive reinforcement. If they don't, negative reinforcement is dispensed. Allowing the child to decide if the positives outweigh the negatives will actually empower them and allow for increased independence. It's also temporary - believe me, you won't have to bribe your child to poop in the potty on the day of their high school graduation! 

"The Potty Boot Camp: Basic Training for Toddlers" is a step-by-step toilet training manual that will have your toddler diaper and accident free in about a week. For more information, please visit www.thepottybootcamp.com.

Question:

First of all, thanks for writing and publishing this book. I know its been great for a lot of people.  Three weeks of hard work, and we are tempted to give up.

Our daughter is 18 months old and was showing signs that she was ready. She would even urinate when we put her on the potty. I believe we followed the method very closely. We thought she was doing well, but she never really self-initiated until the second or third day.

Three weeks later she is still having several accidents a day and is very reluctant to poop in the potty. She has let us know she needs to go a hand full of times which we celebrate exuberantly. But usually, we end up seeing the warning signs and asking her if she will go to the potty. To this she often replies, "NO" shaking her head. I know it is impossible for you to diagnose what when wrong without seeing all we did. But after reading your book and how confident you were that this would work and that it works for everybody else, we really feel like we failed our daughter. We put her (and ourselves) through a lot of stress and have very little to show for it except several stains on the carpet. Sorry to be a downer, but I needed to vent. Are we the only ones that go through this?

Answer:

 

Many parents ask me throughout their training process just how to give their child just that added bit of incentive to use the potty. A common sense and straightforward tip I have given is to make the child help in the cleanup of accidents. Instilling a sense of personal responsibility truly helps to motivate your child to use the toilet instead of the floor!

The manner in which you act and talk while cleaning up is pretty important. When she has an accident, make a look on your face that conveys "ick!" Tell her she needs to clean up her icky, yucky, pee pee or poo clothes and the icky mess on the floor. Don't act angry or irritated in any way, but make it clear to her that this is something that is yucky and she needs to fix. Make her take off her own clothes.

The first time you do this, show her step by step what she needs to do - but after that make her do it on her own, and make her do every step. Clean the floor first. This makes her stay in her wet clothes a little longer, which is a motivator to not have it happen again. Then make her wipe herself down - if it's really messy you can take her to the tub and have her give herself a mini-bath. You'll probably be silently cringing during this whole cleanup because she's likely to make the mess worse instead of better!) After she takes off the dirty clothes, pick them up like they are contaminated with nuclear waste and carry them over to the sink. (Obviously dump the poo out of the panties into the potty first.) Tell her she needs to wash her icky clothes because they are now smelly and dirty from her pee or poop. Show her how to run the water, put the panties under the faucet, squeeze and rinse. Then take her to the place you want her to put her dirty panties. Show major relief - "Whew, that's so much better now that you're not dirty and icky any more!" Go get some clean panties.

• Try to give your child a drink about 15 minutes before taking them to the toilet. This will increase their chance of success. Do, however, try to avoid giving too many drinks as this will throw off the child's "normal" routine.
• Decide ahead of time if you want to teach your child to leave the door open or shut as part of their toileting routine.
• Avoid using "baby talk" for words associated with toileting. Your child might find it difficult to change his language later on. It probably wouldn't be too appropriate to have a 30 year old announce that they are going to go "pee-pee."
• Wet wipes are much more effective than dry toilet paper for easy cleanup.
• Many children have a fear of the sound of the toilet flushing. If this is the case, you might want to remove that step from the sequence and leave it for the end of the routine. You might need to flush the toilet at the beginning and gradually work the child into the task by having them stand closer to the toilet each time you flush.
• Make sure you have a car seat protector installed. This will prevent messy and time-consuming accident cleanup.
• Some children will hold their pee or poop until you put their diaper on. It helps to be aware of this habit in planning your trips to the toilet.
• There is a range of absorbent pants and swimwear for older children available.
• Toilet training is incredibly time consuming. If you have other children you might want to plan to carve out some extra "alone" time with them.
• Train your child at home before tackling the task of teaching them to use public restrooms. When visiting new places, always show your child where the bathrooms are when you arrive. Use the same routine as you do at home. Also use the same visual cues/books/pictures that you use at home.
• Some autistic children like to smear and/or play with their poop. There are complicated reasons as to why this might be the case, so if your child is exhibiting this behaviour you might want to keep him supervised in the bathroom.
• If your child is away from home in a daycare or other setting, try to duplicate the home environment as much as possible. Get a duplicate child's potty or toilet seat insert. Don't forget to send lots of changes of clothes. It is important that you have clear lines of communication during this time so having a home/school book to share concerns and successes is vital.

A parent recently contact me about needing advice for training her 15 month old son. She was convinced her son showed all the signs of "readiness." He was removing his diaper, telling his mother when he was wet, etc. Mom just used her intuition to decide that it was time.

After beginning training, she began to run into a couple of problems. Her son would happily sit on the potty. She was taking him to the toilet every 15 minutes - yet, he would fail to pee on the potty and instead go immediately upon leaving the bathroom.

Below is my response and advice: I have a couple of thoughts. First, I agree with you that your primary concern should be to at least get him to urinate in the toilet. Being that he is so young, getting him to actually tell you when he needs to go might take a few months.

I think you are right on track with the "taking him to the toilet every 15 minutes." When you are there, how long are you having him stay on the toilet? You might want to experiment with the timing. (Take him every 30 minutes but have him sit for 10 or 15 at a time, etc.) It sounds like he needs more time to allow his bladder to release, especially if he is going soon after you take him off of the toilet. Once he develops bladder awareness, and you can get him routinely urinating in the toilet, his reliability in telling YOU when he needs to go will follow.

Some parents actually will have their kids sit on the toilet until they do go...even if it is for an hour. Do as much as you feel is reasonable, and don't FORCE him to sit there if he is fighting you. We want to make sure you keep the toilet an enjoyable experience.

Shifting the timing of the toileting trips should increase her chances of actually "catching" her son in the act and having a success. With each success, her child will begin to make the mental/physical connection between the sensation of needing to go, the feeling of letting go, and the physical act of doing so on the potty.

Potty training is new territory for your toddler. Up until now, they have been happy-go-lucky, learning about her new world at there own pace and making all kinds of exciting discoveries. They have learned how to form sounds into words that communicate what they want, she’s learned how to put her legs under her and walk and all this was done at her own pace. They probably thinks she invented walking and talking. Now all of a sudden, someone has decided she will no longer relieve herself in her diaper and plops her down on a potty and tells her to “go”. This is fertile ground for potty training problems.

Prevention is the Best Cure

Look at potty training from the child’s perspective. What kind of introduction has she had to the toilet and the bathroom in general. Has this room been off-limits before now? Let her follow you into the bathroom before you start potty training her. Answer the questions that occur.

Let her flush the toilet and sit on it with the lid closed first. Believe it or not, many children are afraid of the toilet. They see things go down and not come back and wonder if that can happen to them.

When they are comfortable being around the toilet, let her sit on the seat. If they feels afraid, buy her a potty seat that snaps on securely or a potty chair. Humans are born with the fear of falling and sitting on a toilet seat with nothing under her can make your child feel like she’s going to fall.

Regression, is when a child begins to learn potty training, then suddenly seems to lose ground. Children who were perfectly happy to go along with the potty training routine all of a sudden begin having accidents frequently. Regression isn’t always a problem.

There may be an external factor such as a change in the environment that is causing the regression or it may just be that they want to slow down a little. Most experts agree that periods of regression are normal during potty training and, unless there is a medical condition such as a urinary tract infection, they do not need intervention. Simply continue to gently encourage her with her potty training and they will get back on track.

Most potty training problems can be identified by looking at them through your child’s eyes. Inconsistencies, fears, punishment for accidents and regression can all trigger potty training problems.

More tips from http://www.pottytrainingtipsonline.com/

Below is a peek at a family's blog....the mother has made a post about her twin boys and their success with The Potty Boot Camp.

It works again!

http://www.kettmanfamily.com/big-news-this-last-week

Below is a link to a blog post about a helpful potty training tip: To turn your vehicle into a moving porta-potty! (For a selection of great travel potties, click HERE.)

Thanks to this blogger for a great idea!

Life At the Circus: Best Potty Training Trick Ever

http://lifeatthecircus.com/2008/11/11/best-potty-training-trick-ever