Question:
First of all, thanks for writing and publishing this book. I know its been great for a lot of people. Three weeks of hard work, and we are tempted to give up.
Our daughter is 18 months old and was showing signs that she was ready. She would even urinate when we put her on the potty. I believe we followed the method very closely. We thought she was doing well, but she never really self-initiated until the second or third day.
Three weeks later she is still having several accidents a day and is very reluctant to poop in the potty. She has let us know she needs to go a hand full of times which we celebrate exuberantly. But usually, we end up seeing the warning signs and asking her if she will go to the potty. To this she often replies, "NO" shaking her head. I know it is impossible for you to diagnose what when wrong without seeing all we did. But after reading your book and how confident you were that this would work and that it works for everybody else, we really feel like we failed our daughter. We put her (and ourselves) through a lot of stress and have very little to show for it except several stains on the carpet. Sorry to be a downer, but I needed to vent. Are we the only ones that go through this?
Answer:
Hello and thanks for writing.
I never like to hear about "Failures" but it is only by hearing stories like yours through which the program has evolved and only gotten better over time. So I always welcome constructive criticism.
Now...for the "pep talk." Your daughter is still VERY young....and although the program does often work well for 18 month old toddlers, they can certainly be the most challenging. I would encourage you to stick with it but "modify" things for a while.
First of all, she SELF INITIATED! Some parents, even those with three year olds, don't accomplish that until a week into the program...and your daughter did on day 2, which is remarkable. That tells me that she fully understands the concept, knows that pee and poop belong in the potty, and can (at least some of the time) recognize when she needs to go. It think she probably needs a couple more months for her body/mind/bladder connection to fully "get it."
For now, I would do a few things:
1. Go ahead and put her back in pull-ups if you can't stand the accidents any more. (But I recommend putting panties UNDER the pull-up so she feels "wetness" if she has an accident.)
2. Don't worry about her telling YOU when she need to go - just focus on getting the pees into the potty. The more reliable self-initiation will come over the next few weeks to months.
3. Did you invest in a Potty Watch? I would do so if you haven't already. Set it for the shortest time available (I think it's 30 min?) and continue to take her every time it goes off.
4. Make her do as much of the "cleanup"/diaper changing, etc as she is physically capable of doing. At her age, help her as much as you need to.
5. Each week, increase the time between the alarms.....and hopefully she'll start telling YOU more reliably as she get more into a routine of using the potty.
So...hang in there! Try not to lose the momentum you've gained. One day this will all be a funny and faint memory! And, please don't hesitate to write if you have any more questions.
